Transforming Setbacks into Stepping Stones for Leadership

Ever felt overwhelmed by factors beyond your control, especially in leadership roles? Discover how to transform anxiety into growth by mastering what you can actually control. In our latest episode, we promise to equip you with the tools to redirect your energy and reactions towards productive pursuits. Drawing inspiration from thought leaders like Carol Dweck and Stephen Covey, we delve into the powerful realm of a growth mindset, turning failures into golden opportunities for learning. You'll also hear how focusing on your circle of control can not only boost personal development but also empower your team to rise above challenges and achieve success.

Join us as we explore actionable strategies for managing energy and controlling your reactions. Uncover the art of assessing control over situations, and learn how to limit exposure to those draining activities that sap your vitality. Through emotional intelligence and mindfulness practices, we underline the need for intentional breaks to protect your emotional well-being. With personal anecdotes about health management and expectation setting, we provide a relatable framework to inspire confidence and clarity in both personal and professional spheres. Tune in to embark on a journey toward effective leadership by focusing on what truly matters.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Focus on What You Can Control
• 10:41 Managing Energy and Controlling Reactions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Welcome back to the Path to Leadership. For those of you that get the download and listen to this every Tuesday morning, I appreciate you subscribing so it downloads, and I also apologize, this is a little late. I have been fighting the sickness and just have not had a chance to get something edited and recorded and push out. So I wanted to jump on here and do just a little solo episode, because I've been having so many conversations right now with people who have anxiety or are working through things, and a lot of the times we are stressing about things that are not in our control, and so, whether it be at work, at home or in our communities, there are so many things that are out of our control. But what we can control is our reaction and our energy that we allow it to take from us, and this matters so much, especially at work in leadership roles, because we can't control everything. As much as we would like, as much as we would like things to be perfect, as much as we would like things to go our way, it just doesn't happen like that, and really what we need to think about is how we learn to respond from this. I have been talking about focusing on what you can control for years. I think it is such a powerful tool that we can use. I know there is a lot of buzz going around right now about Mel Robbins' new book, let them. It is so fantastic and so powerful and it just reinforces this stuff of you know. Focus on what you can control. So I want to talk a little bit about that today. I've seen this throughout my career and there's times where I'm really good at this and there are times where I get in my feelings and I'm not so good at it, and it's something that not only do we've got to learn it, but we've got to practice it and we've got to remind ourselves that it's, you know what. That's not in my control and as much as I want to help, support, do better, be better, I can't control everything in the situation, and so I want to really touch on that today and give you some kind of tips and tricks to really think about this. I've talked about this before on the podcast and it's so valuable.

Speaker 1: 3:06

I love growth mindset and I love how Carol Dweck really introduced this to us, and I've had some people when I say Carol Dweck's name, they're like okay, what it's? Carol D-W-E-C-K. She has a great book Introducing Mindset, and it's really the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort, learning and perseverance. It's not that we are smart or not, it's that you know, we don't know everything right now and we can learn it and we can grow it, and we're not either a success or a failure. We might have success, but we also have learning opportunities and we can grow from all of this. And so leaders with that growth mindset really focus on what they can control, and includes that learning, adapting and growing.

Speaker 1: 4:00

Nothing is so detrimental. I mean, we have bad things that happen at work and at home and in our community, and it's okay to feel those feelings. I don't want to say don't feel those feelings. After we feel those feelings, then it's what are we going to take from this? And so you know, if someone on your team misses the deadline, instead of dwelling on what's wrong, which is that fixed mindset, really looking at ways to fix it next time, how can you help them, how can you support them if they're constantly missing deadlines? Is it that they don't manage their time well? Is it that we don't help them prioritize? Is it that they don't understand what's important? Is it that they are overwhelmed and so they're not doing anything. So what is it that's standing in their way?

Speaker 1: 4:50

And so I love growth mindset, especially when we're working at coaching, the people around us is, instead of that fixed mindset of you didn't do what I asked you to do, so you failed. It's you know what I asked you to do this. Now how do I help you do it in the future? What tools, resources, opportunities what do you need to help you? What accountability do you need? You know it may be that people need help with being held accountable, because I've talked about this many times. What people come to us with at work is what they've experienced in their career. It's what they know, and so we can't expect that everybody had great leadership before you. We can't expect that everybody's had the training and development that they need, and so they come to us with the tools that they have, and so now it's our job as really strong leaders is how do we help them grow, how do we support them and give them the tools they need? So really adopting a growth mindset makes it easier to let go of the uncontrollable factors. It allows us to really focus on the productive actions that can really get to success, and so I really think that's important.

Speaker 1: 6:08

And when we think about things that we can control and how we focus on things we can control, stephen Covey really introduced the concept of circle of concern. That's everything that affects us. It's what's happening at work, it's company decisions, it's other people's reactions, the economy. You know it's what's happening at work, it's company decisions, it's other people's reactions, the economy, the world, like what's happening out there. Those are things that concern us.

Speaker 1: 6:32

I'm sitting in Kansas City right now. We're in the middle of I'm going to put this in quotes snowstorm, because it's probably like the worst, third worst storm we've had this year. We've had so much bad weather but it's going to get really cold. Those are concerning areas, but I can't control the weather. I can't control, you know, clients rescheduling meetings, and so you just have to understand that that's a circle of concern, our circle of control. Those are the things we can influence. It's our attitude, our effort. Those are the things we can influence. It's our attitude, our effort, our preparation, things that are in our control. But often we waste so much energy on things that are out of our control whether it be social media, office drama, external decisions. We let those drain our focus and our motivation.

Speaker 1: 7:23

I know this is a hot topic right now. I'm not trying to throw out a hot topic, but I know return to the office is such a thing that companies are battling with. So many people have gotten used to working from home. So many people really love that hybrid schedule, but a lot of companies are finding that they need some time in the office for business relationships and connections and meetings and engagement and things like that. So I know this is such a hot topic and what I'm finding really interesting is, even when companies are giving people a six, eight, one-year leeway and saying, hey, in six months we're returning to the office, people are spending those six months just being miserable and unhappy and cursing the company and everything else and really, instead of you know what, we have two decisions. We can either accept that we're going to go back into the office and make the most of it, or we can decide you know what? That's not what I want to do, and I have six months to find an opportunity that allows me to then find an opportunity that fits what I want to do, and I have six months to find an opportunity that allows me to then find an opportunity that fits what I want to be my normal, and that's really important.

Speaker 1: 8:32

So we really need to realize that we can't control the decisions, but we can control how we adapt to the decisions, how we accept it and move forward. So I really encourage listeners to list the things that you've been stressing about, separate those into two circles what is in your circle of control and what is in your circle of concern? What are the things that you have no control over but that are concerning to you no control over, but that are concerning to you and really encourage you to shift and adapt to really focusing on the things that are in your circle of control, because when we do that, it allows us to avoid frustration, burnout, disengagement and allows us to be more motivated on the things that we can do and the things that we have control over. When we do that, it also allows us to manage our energy. You know we talk all the time about time management and that's so critically important, but also managing our energy, really looking at energy as a resource, because we don't have an infinite amount of energy. You know whether we get a good night's sleep or whether we're stressed or whether we have as a resource, because we don't have an infinite amount of energy. You know, whether we get a good night's sleep or whether we're stressed or whether we have huge projects going on, there's a lot of things going on, and then we got to throw in our love for introverts and extroverts. Introverts are going to start off and their cup's going to be pretty full, but the more throughout their day that they're engaging with people and out in the public and things like that, their energy is going to drain where. Those of us that are more extroverted. We're going to get more energy as we spend time with people. So, paying attention to some of those kinds of factors and really reframing energy as a resource, stressing over uncontrollable things waste energy and we don't have a lot of energy throughout the day. We only have so much, and so when we're spending so much time draining on things that are out of our control, it just keeps chipping away at this resource that we have.

Speaker 1: 10:41

So really thinking about energy management what deserves your energy? What are things that you can control, that you can do, that you can manage and really focus on that? So add that into your time management strategy. What are the things that you can use your valuable commodity of energy towards. So here's some strategies Pause and assess Before we start reacting Is this in my control? If you've read the Mel Robbins book, which is so fantastic, I'm in the middle of it now her whole thing is let them, let me, let them have the reactions, let them do what they're going to do. Now let me control how I react to it. It's so much more in depth than that, but it's really a powerful tool. So that pause to say is this in my control? Do I need to be putting energy into this?

Speaker 1: 11:41

And then limiting exposure, reduce the time spent on draining and uncontrollable things, whether it's doom scrolling, gossip news, maybe it's the people, maybe there is someone in the office that is constantly just draining everything out of you. Limit the interactions you have with that person. It doesn't mean that you freeze them out, it doesn't mean that you don't engage with them, but it does give you permission to kind of limit those engagements when the draining activities happen, reframing the situation. What's the opportunity here? What am I supposed to learn? Grow, what am I supposed to do with this? And it allows you to really reframe it from that fixed mindset of oh my gosh, this is detrimental. What are we gonna do? It's all over to. What's the opportunity? What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to do with this? And then really protecting your emotional space, using intentional breaks, mindfulness and focusing techniques to really protect those emotions and I do this a lot.

Speaker 1: 12:48

I talk about emotional intelligence all the time and being able to pause, breathe. When we take deep breath, it allows oxygen to rush to our brains to allow us to calm down a little bit and to put everything in perspective, and it allows our brain to catch up with everything, so we're not just on fire. I just think of Inside Out, that fantastic movie about emotions. I think everyone should have to watch it and discuss it, because you think about that panic mode in Inside Out where all the emotions are running around and panicking and hitting buttons and everything. And it's like take that deep breath and allow your emotions to get in line so the appropriate emotion can get up front to allow us to handle the situation the way we need to. It just really allows us to handle things better. It allows us to really look at things from that growth mindset and it really allows us to focus on the things that we can control, because when something happens, like I said, even if it's not in our area of control, it's our reactions that we can control. So allowing ourselves to soak that in allows us to put it in the right bucket. Can I control it or not? What part of this can I control? And then, how do I move forward?

Speaker 1: 14:11

If you have a team member who frustrates you because they are so resistant to change? Instead of fixating on their negative attitudes, focus on how you communicate with them, how you influence them, how you model that positive behavior. You can't change their attitude and their behaviors, but what you can change is how you engage with them, how you model that positive way forward, how you encourage them to be flexible and how you show in your behaviors how you're adapting to situations as leaders. If we commensurate with them and just, I know this is horrible, I didn't agree with it and they wouldn't let me change it and blah, blah, blah, blah You're just adding fuel to their negativity fire. But when we as leaders say, okay, what can we control in this? We can control how we show up now that this policy is changing and then really make plans on how you're doing it. It's so powerful and so important.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Leadership is truly not about controlling everything, and even management, you know, is not about that. Leadership is really about learning to navigate uncertainty with confidence and clarity and then inspiring that confidence and clarity with the people that you're around. How do you let them know that it's going to be okay? We don't have to agree with what's going on, we don't have to like what's going on, but what we do have to do is make a decision. We're here. How are we going to react to it? How are we going to let it impact us? How are we going to protect our energy in all of this? And it's so critically important to do and that's the important thing to think about.

Speaker 1: 15:57

So this week, I really want to challenge you to identify one thing you've been stressing about that's outside of your control no matter how much we want to, we just cannot control it and then shift your energy towards something productive instead. So for me, I have a lot of things that are not in my control right now being sick, the weather In my control, I'm going on vacation here real soon, but out of my control is trying to get everything done before I go and my feelings around that. So really shifting my energy towards, you know what? The weather's bad and it's snowing. But really exciting, this afternoon I get to throw the Jeep in four wheel drive and I get to go out and enjoy the Jeep that I worked so hard for and wanted since I was 16. You know, out of my control is being sick, but in my control is just accepting it and taking some time to get well and to nap and to have my amazing husband to make me ramen noodles and to, you know, really take care of me, and that's not something that I slow down a lot of time to do and so to spend a couple of days in bed. I just had to accept that I was just too sick to get up and to get moving and so I just leaned into it and accepted. You know what I'm sick and we're going to have to be okay with that. So watched two seasons of the Traitors, which I love that show, so it just was some time to take care of myself. So thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1: 17:33

I love doing this podcast for you all. Please, if you enjoy the podcast, share it with somebody. I am so humbled by the amount of people that listen to this all around the world. It's really fun to see that. Come in to play. I would also encourage you, if you do enjoy it, no matter what podcast stream you listen to subscribe, like it, share a review of it. That is so helpful as I continue to grow this. I have some really exciting guests coming up over the next few weeks more of my Leadership Kansas classmates, more of people from the amazing leadership community that I'm surrounded with. So I hope you have a phenomenal week. Focus on the things you can control, protect your energy, and I'll talk to you next time on the Path to Leadership. Bye everyone.